


The Ridiculous Adventures of Batman and Robin

by CoreyWW



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, Funny, Gen, Humor, Parody, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 16:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14752244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW
Summary: This is basically an Elseworld where the premise is "What if the Batman universe was really silly and behaved as if it was written by Adult Swim writers?"Essentially a bunch of short, silly Batman parodies.





	1. A Typical Day for Bruce Wayne

“My parents were gunned down in front of my own eyes,” said Bruce Wayne. “I can remember the light fading from their eyes as they gasped their final breaths. I can still feel the blood pooling at my feet and-- I’m sorry, you had a question.”

“Yes um ...” the accountant lowered his hand. “Do ... do we really have to start every meeting like this? We kinda already know your parents are dead.”

The other employees in the meeting room nodded and murmured in agreement.

Bruce narrowed his eyes.

“I see ...”

* * *

That night, the accountant went to his car.

There was a _woosh_ and before he could turn around, Batman was upon him.

With a single punch, the accountant was knocked out.

Batman got from the ground as Robin approached from behind.

“Father, I don’t really think what this man did really counts as a cri--”

“Shut up, boy,” said Batman.


	2. Don't Worry, He'll Be Fine, Folks

“Ahhh ...” Harvey Dent lit his cigarette. “I’m so glad no one in Gotham knows my one true vice.” He relaxed in his hammock. “Smoking in a hammock over a pit of sulfuric acid.”

He inhaled.

“Man, those acid fumes are so relaxing ...”

Suddenly, the ropes of his hammock snapped and Harvey plummeted into the acid.

“WHAT, NO NO NO NO _AHHHHHHHHHHHH MY FACE!_ ” he screamed. “ _WHY DIDN’T BATMAN STOP THIS_?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, he gets a skin graft because like ... why would someone just not get a skin graft when something like that happened?
> 
> That'd just be silly ...
> 
> And don't worry I'm sure noooooottthhhhing like this will ever happen to Harvey again in this series ...


	3. Parenting is Hard

“Alright Batman,” the Riddler said. “Riddle me this! I’ve poisoned both you and Robin, but as you can see--” He gestured to the table to a shotglass on the table with clear liquid. “--there is only enough antidote for one of you. Whoever doesn’t get the antidote will surely die! So what will you--”

Batman immediately grabbed the glass and downed it. Robin’s eyes went wide. Batman remained completely stonefaced

“... _WOW_ ,” Robin said.

The Riddler blinked and fidgeted with his cane.

“I must admit I uh ... I expected more deliberation there ...” the Riddler said.

“JUST _WOW_!” Robin said.

“Boy, don’t make a big thing out of this,” Batman said. “The Riddler was just bluffing.”

“I mean, yeah, I was but--” The Riddler lowered his voice. “Like I was mostly just screwing with you guys. That poison was just Tropical Punch but um ...”

“ _Shut up, Nigma_!” Robin shouted, getting in Batman’s face. “Okay, so if you figured it was poison, why didn’t you give ME the antidote just in case it wasn’t?”

Batman gave a long pause.

“Look, it was fine!” he said finally.

“ _YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME, FATHER_!” Robin shouted.

“I would never have let something happen to you, boy!” Batman said.

“Oh yeah, tell that to Todd.”

“Jason was fine ... _eventually_...”

“You didn’t know that at the time!”

Batman facepalmed. “Dick never would have given me this much sass ...” he mumbled.

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Robin screamed.

The Riddler cringed. “Hey um ... listen, I’m uh ... I’m kinda gonna go now. I’ll just... I’ll just turn myself into Arkham this time if you need me to. I--”

Batman and Robin both turned to Riddler and shouted, “ _SHUT UP, NIGMA!_ ”


End file.
